Verge of a Nervous Breakdown....but who cares???

I finally got to see my brother Frank, his wife Marie , and there cute little one's on Sat. It made me feel a little better but not much cause I just felt worse leaving. I am no longer working on top of all things and to tell you the truth of the matter-Im too stressed out to work. But I have put in applications today--thanks for the info Tee.
You know how when you have been in a cockroach infested place and you turn the light on on them and they all scatter and never gather back up??? well that's what my family did after my daddy died 2 years ago and they have stayed that way. I talk to 2 of my family members on a somewhat regular basis---my mom, and Tee- my sister. Thats sad. I did however get one thing that was good on friday....I got my court date for my divorce . Its April 3rd . Yeh. Thank you for that blessing God. My oldest son is on spring break this week for 10 days---HELP> I did get my med.s back today and have been taking them the correct way this time. So im trying to eliminate things one thing at a time. I feel a nervous breakdown coming soon. Im not exagerating either. Things are that bad. Even though I try not to show it much. Gotta say goodbye for now gotta put kids in the bed now. Marie if you read this - I'll bring TJ down for a couple days to spend the night with Devon probably on Weds. He has a doctors appointment at 10:30 and after that I'll bring him down there. I promised him and devon. LOve yall.

So I'm back again now...

Well people, I'm back and still just as stressed as ever. I cant help but wander if I let my house go, be put on the market so that it doesnt show as a foreclosure on my credit-Would things change for the better? Probably not. Well I have really be family sick for some reason lately. I really miss my family. Since my daddy passed 2 years ago, the family just drifted apart and really nobody comunicates anymore other then me, mama, Tee, and Nina. And mama is the only one other than Tee that I talk to regularly. It sucks. And now that I live in BFE 30 minutes away from Easley I really dont see or hear from anyone anymore. I dont hear from mom anymore since she moved in with Dennis in Greenville and that sucks b/c usually she was around every day or at least every other day. I actually like seeing family on a regular basis. Most of the family anyway.
I still havent come to a conclusion yet on going back to school. It still seems to me that we arent going to be able to afford it. So what do I do? Follow my dreams and go back to school like I have been wanting to do?-But if i do that then I am looking at losing the house and putting it on the market for sale and coming up with a solution to keep my child at the same school and come up with a deposit on a rental home. I dont want to let the house go really b/c Eddie and I have put so much into it in the past year and a half. Why cant these things be easier??? I am so stressed out lately that I dont know whether I am coming or going.By the way I now have a myspace page if anyone cares. My user url is www.myspace.com/julie_howe28. If you would like to you can visit there as well. Sorry it has taken me so long to blog but I have been dealing with too much lately and dont hardly even have time to think. And to add to the worry, Justin';s birthday as well as my sister's birthday is Sat. March 22, and I dont have the money for even a birthday card for either one of them. Then we have Easter two weeks early this year which as you know the Easter bunny cant afford 2 easter baskets this year. What to do? What to do?? See drama comes like a downpor for me. When it rains it floods. Let me tell ya. I'm relly beginning to wander if life is really worth all of the drama and confusion if you cant at least be happy? What do yall think? I'll try to take some more pic.s as soon as possible for you guys but to let you know so that I dont get tagged this week- I'm working most of the week this week. That's all for now. See yall later.

Finally...Hear all about it--they did!

Hello all. Today is looking up-Thank God. Well here is the pic.'s I promised. The love's of my life. Sometime's they just make you smile no matter how bad you feel. Gotta love em'. Hope you guys enjoy these. I thought they were great. So did my mom. We all got a good laugh out of this.
I got in touch with the medicaid office and gave them hell and needless to say I got my way. I have to bring her some info on Monday and the children will have medicaid again. Thank You Jesus. I dont have too much to say today except thank you for all thge support you guys offer. I just love the blogger world. I can rant and rave without knowing yall are rolling your eyed at me! It's ok I know you are I just dont want to see it. Yeh I know just like my mother Huh? I dont have to much to say today. Just wanted to get the pic.'s on here. bye.

It's a new day...

Well mama, I guess you're right. I just feel like the bad outways the good. Like today- I found out that they have canceled our medicade and with TJ's prescriptions being $180.00 a month and all of his help he has been getting at school and therapists and councelors, etc....I dont know what to do now! He has just now started getting the help that he needs to be doing good.
I'm so pissed off right now. Now that means that I won't be able to attend school because as usual something is gonna come between me and my dream once again. Only this time it's not a piece of shit man. Now it's that I cant afford it. I told you guys in the other blog that that's what I was worried about. Damn, I have a good intuition. The only thing left to say on this subject is I TOLD YOU SO!!!!! Damnit.
I'm relly not up to writing much today due to this crappy weather, the bad news yet another day brings, and I have got to get things done before Eddie goes to work tonight. I also have a terrible headache and just am worn out today. I only got 4 1/2 hours of sleep last night. See you guys later. Love you mama! Miss you too!

Wandering About Hex's....HMMMMM!!!

Have you ever wondered if you really believe in the " HEX "? Well, for the past two years I have seriously been wondering about it. Two years ago, I lost my grandfather whom I was very close to and then in July of this past year I had a miscarriage with twins. Then in August of this past year, I lost my baby brother in a tragic car accident. Yesterday my sister called me to notify me that she was in TN at a hospital in the middle of nowhere with my niece, whom is pregnant with twins. She is only 31 weeks and that's not good.
Well yesterday I went to my sister-n-law's house to see my new nephew and I got upset last night just thinking that my brother would be soooo proud of that beautiful baby right now. Why is life so unfair that the good one's are taken from us? Isn't that kindof backwards. Why rid us of the good one's when the drug addicts and murderers and sex offenders are still walking around with their life??? This subject really bothers me. I think about my baby brother every single day and everyone tells me that time will heal the hurt. Well there wrong! To me, time only helps the realism of the situation-not the real pain that you feel for the loss of a loved one. The pain never gets better and it never goes away.
Anyway, I got really upset last night and said a prayer to God and to my brother. Which isnt anything new because since he was taken from us I have talked to him every day. I just really am beginning to wander if my family has a hex or a curse on it! It seems that way. Is anything gonna get any better? God I hope so.
Tonight my sister calls me back to inform me that she is taking my niece back to the hospital due to her contractions have started again. Im really worried about her right now. well I hope everything goes alright tonight with her and the twins. I'll say a prayer for them tonight.
Sorry that it has taken me a few days to blog again but I have got so much going on right now that Im lucky to even be thinking right. Things are just kinda hectic at times around here and I've been thinking alot about going back to school. If I go back to school then I'm not sure that we can afford for me to, but on the other hand I keep telling myself that if i don't go now- I'll put it off forever and I'll never go like I want to. What to do? Hell if I know! If ya have any comments on the subjects listed above then I'd love to hear them. As for now, Im gonna sign off for tonight and go take some medicine for my nerves and go relax for a while. Look forward to hearing from you guys again. By th eway I'm gonna try to post this pic of all 4 boys on this blog. Hope it works. Keep your fingers crossed for me.